Dec 17, 2024

Recognising and Overcoming Toxic Behaviour: A Guide to Protecting Yourself and Growing Through It

Oef. This one hits close to home.

Toxic behaviour—whether it’s coming from others or from within—is something we all encounter at some point. Maybe it’s a manipulative colleague, a gaslighting manager, or that negative voice in your head that tells you you’re not enough. The reality is, we’ve all been toxic too. Certain situations, certain people, certain experiences can bring out behaviours we’re not proud of.

And that’s okay. Growth isn’t about perfection; it’s about self-awareness. It’s about learning, adjusting, and committing to showing up better—for ourselves and the people around us.

In this post, we’re diving into what toxic behaviour looks like, how to spot it, and most importantly, how to protect yourself while continuing to grow.

What is Toxic Behaviour and the Dark Triad?

Toxic behaviour isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it’s subtle—undermining comments, manipulation disguised as concern, or the quiet erosion of your confidence.

To make sense of it, psychologists often point to the Dark Triad:

Narcissism: Grandiosity, entitlement, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists demand admiration and often exploit others to maintain their inflated sense of self-worth.
Machiavellianism: Strategic manipulation and deceit to serve their own goals. They play the long game, thrive on hidden agendas, and rarely care about ethical boundaries.
Psychopathy: Impulsivity, charm, and a lack of remorse. Psychopaths can be charismatic, but they disregard the feelings and safety of others entirely.

Sound familiar? You’ve probably come across one or more of these traits in a workplace conflict or personal relationship.

How to Spot Toxic Behaviour in the Workplace

Recognising toxic patterns is the first step to protecting yourself:

Manipulation: Twisting situations to gain control or advantage.
Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or perception.
Lack of empathy: A blatant disregard for others’ well-being.
Undermining: Subtle tactics to diminish your confidence or credibility.

The more aware you become, the earlier you can identify these behaviours and take action.

Protecting Yourself: Setting Boundaries and Taking Action

Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re essential. Whether it’s a difficult colleague, manager, or your own negative self-talk, you deserve to protect your energy.

Here’s how:

Define Your Boundaries: What behaviours are unacceptable to you? Be clear, specific, and firm about where you draw the line. For example: “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic with you,” or “Please communicate with me respectfully.”
Be Assertive: Toxic individuals rely on ambiguity and passivity. Use “I” statements to express how their behaviour impacts you. Example: “I feel undermined when my ideas are dismissed in meetings. I’d appreciate it if we could discuss solutions instead.”
Seek Support: If the behaviour persists, document it. Keep a record of interactions and involve HR, management, or a trusted colleague when necessary. Your well-being is non-negotiable.
Prioritise Self-Care: Toxic environments can drain you emotionally. Create habits that restore your energy: mindfulness, exercise, creative outlets, or talking to a therapist. Protecting your mental health is just as important as addressing external issues.

What If the Toxicity is Coming From Within?

Here’s a hard truth: sometimes, we’re our own worst enemies. Negative self-talk, imposter syndrome, or perfectionism can be just as toxic as external behaviours.

So, what can you do?

Self-Reflection: Pay attention to your thought patterns. Are you harsh with yourself? Do you overthink every mistake? Awareness is the first step to change.
Challenge Your Inner Critic: Reframe negative thoughts. Replace “I’ll never get this right” with “I’m learning, and progress takes time.”
Practice Mindfulness: Slow down. Take a deep breath when self-doubt creeps in. Meditation or journaling can help you distance yourself from unhelpful thoughts.
Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend. Compassion, not criticism, is what builds resilience.

Remember: you’re allowed to grow. The fact that you’re here, learning and reflecting, shows that you have a growth mindset. Keep going—the world needs more of you.

A Quick Recap: Strategies to Navigate Toxic Behaviour

Educate Yourself: Learn to recognise toxic traits like manipulation, gaslighting, and a lack of empathy.
Set Boundaries: Be clear, assertive, and consistent in protecting your space.
Combat Inner Toxicity: Challenge negative thoughts and practice self-compassion.
Seek Support: Document behaviours and involve HR or trusted colleagues if necessary.
Prioritise Your Well-being: Build routines that restore your balance and energy.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Understanding and addressing toxic behaviour is about more than survival—it’s about growth. It’s about recognising patterns, setting boundaries, and showing up as the healthiest version of yourself, no matter what’s happening around you.

In our How To Manage Workplace Relationships course, we go even deeper. You’ll learn practical strategies for managing toxic environments, building self-awareness, and fostering healthier relationships—both with others and yourself.